o christmas tree

and here is why i love my husband...

while crosby and i were grocery shopping yesterday morning, steve and jack were "supposed" to be setting up our fake, pre-lit, handed down Christmas tree. instead, they went and picked out our first very real, very big tree. and i am in love!!!

 (take note of our three year old dollar store tree skirt. soon to be replaced with a much bigger, fancier, do it yourself project!)

i've never had a real tree before. it smells great, it looks beautiful, and i am happy.

 (even though this isn't crosby's first christmas, it definitely feels like it.)

the nativity scene is set. christmas cards are mailed. a stash of presents hidden. holiday music downloaded. more christmas projects underway.

and i am definitely nesting...the cleaning, the projects, the shopping, the decorating. it's insane and i love it!

please forgive me

i know all moms make mistakes. heck, i was just giving my own mom a hard time today for not taking me to the dentist as a child. but big mistakes? do other moms make really big mistakes?

i made some mistakes tonight. i was angry. frustrated. yelled too quickly and too loudly. i was mean. and i know it was really bad because jack was exceptionally good once he realized just how angry i was. when it was bathtime, he went potty and got undressed without me asking. when i apologized for getting upset, he said "oh it's okay mommy." 

it was one of those nights (not the first time this has happened) where i text steve, who was at work, and say "this is really hard." and he calls and i cry and he asks if he needs to come home (bless his heart) and i say "no" but i want to say "yes and don't ever leave again."

and now i'm sitting here feeling bad, wishing i could do better, be better. and wondering if i've scarred them for life. and if i haven't today, certainly, i will sometime in the next 18 years, right?