lost ones

so we stole a cat. i mean, we didn't really steal him. he's been wandering around our neighborhood for about a month. he has followed us on bike rides, walks, and j named him brady awhile ago. j would go out looking for him yelling "brady....brady!"

today brady was here when i got home from work. tried to sneak in the house. and by the time i actually got in the front door, he was meowing at the back. this happened three times today. i would leave and he was always just waiting to follow me up the front steps when i got home.

so we kept him. well, let me say this: it's not for selfless reasons. s and i aren't cat people. we aren't animal people. we're people people. animals has never been our thing. BUT...

a couple weeks ago we had a mouse incident. one that involved tears and steve's bff coming over at 10 pm to take care of business. (yes, s is capable of handling this type of thing on his own. and he would have, had he not been at work.) i'm not proud of how i handled that situation, tears might not have been necessary, but whatever. like i said, i'm not an animal person.

so brady was begging us to keep him. in the garage. don't worry - we made him a little bed, gave him a light, some food and water. he will be well taken care of and hopefully keep up his end of the bargain in this situation.

i don't have any pictures yet because i didn't want to get too close.

by the way, don't tell my dad's wife. she'd kill me. or make him a christmas stocking.

let it fall

still feeling lazy. still carrying that extra 10. still have a pretty awesome life.

(still reppin' the bears)

(my favorite photo of him ever.)

(spiderman and ninja. both totally playing the part.)

(we got in some good time with A this fall.)

(fun at costco.)

feeling thankful still...

wrong way

we're in a funk. and have been for months. in the craziness of getting ready to move, staying in someone else's house for three weeks, figuring out new jobs in a new city and new schedules, well...we just haven't found our groove yet.

i've been drinking too much diet coke, smoking too many cigarettes, eating too many french fries, and running not at all. my jeans are not happy.

the past four years i started work at 7:30 am. which meant getting up between 5:30 and 6, going for a run (before my belly got too big and summer got too hot) and leaving the house before i saw any sweet faces. but i was home by 4. in time to play and cook and do anything else i needed to do.

now my work day typically starts at 9. which means i get a lot of sleep and i kind of love it. kind of addicted to my sleep. and usually only see one sweet face before i leave. but now i don't get home until 5 or 6, sometimes later. rarely feel like cooking (though we probably wouldn't even have the right groceries if i wanted to), and end up folding laundry until 11. 

after four years in social services, this is the first job that leaves me drained and exhausted at the end of the day. it wears me out. i come home and need a break. need a rest.

on one hand, it's nice to feel more laid back. not feel the pressure to be so disciplined. to let things go a little bit.

but i feel lazy as fuck. i'm carrying around an extra 10ish lbs. and i just feel stuck.

we're going to be friends

jack and his cousin are best friends. we don't get to see them as often as we'd like, but i think that will always be the case unless they're living next door. (which isn't likely to happen anytime soon since they're moving to france for two years).

jack and ava have always gotten along. ALWAYS. jack loved her so much when she was a baby and as she's gotten older, she's followed every move he makes. they're almost exactly a year apart. steve says there will come a time when it'll get weird because he's a boy and she's a girl, but right now, they're best friends.

jack used to be a biter. (i'll defend my kid to the death about this too.) but one of these times involved ava. she was at jack's babysitter for the day while my sister was out of town. another little girl at the sitter's was getting into ava's diaper bag while she was napping. according to the sitter, he gave off warning signs that he was upset; yelling and crying, like "bitch, step away from my cousin's stuff or i'll bite you." and he did.

ava (and beckett and tracy) are coming to town tomorrow. we haven't seen them in three months. jack's been counting down for days. the other night before bed i asked j what he was thankful for. "i'm thankful it's only four more days until ava is here."

 july 2008

april 2009

 august 2010

october 2010

july 2011

precious love

steven and i have tried to be as open and honest with j about his story and life as much as we can, considering he's four. we talk about it often, hoping he feels able to ask questions when he has them, and hoping he always knows who he is: first and foremost, a child of God. and after that, loved very very very very much by steven and i.

tonight, our past and our story was on my mind and my heart as i was sharing bits of it with a new friend in town. so as i was putting j to bed, as we were snuggling, and laughing, and loving, i took the opportunity to talk with him about it once again.

me - j, do you remember what happened to your first dad?
j - yeah, he got sick.
me - does that make you sad?
j - no because Jesus will bring me a new daddy and He already did.

i know these conversations will change as he gets older; it will get more complicated with more questions. but right now, i'm so happy. happy that he knows he's loved. happy that he's not sad. happy that the conversations are still easy.

(s and j in the early days.)

happiness

i had a post all written in my head about how life is hard right now. all of our needs are abundantly met, but things are hard. we're tired. we get angry. we miscommunicate. we're overly sensitive. we're don't always choose love. 

then i came home. where steven had planned a bonfire night with hot dogs, smores, seasonal beer. and my heart is full.

after our bonfire night, it was bathtime. which has become one of my favorite times (of the week, on a good week) since j learned to hate it less and c is able to join in the fun.

life will be hard again tomorrow i'm sure, but tonight i am going to bed happy.

home life

i've been meaning to update, but my computer is all but dead. which means i can't upload new pictures. which makes posting boring and slow. but here i am with an update on life. and it's boring. sorry.

work is going well. i feel worlds away from the world of adults with developmental disabilities, which is where i spent the past four years. but now i'm in a whole new world - one of abuse, addiction, poverty. i feel like i'm slowly finding my way. my schedule is crazy all over the place, which means working late two nights a week, rarely feeling like cooking, and eating peanut butter and jelly in my car at least three times a week. but overall, i love the job. i love the stress. and i don't hate the schedule. because every now and then i get an afternoon like tuesday. had a cancelled appointment so i was able to meet the boys for ice cream and take jack on a bike ride. and mornings like this one. which involved drinking coffee in my pajamas while finishing some work from home, making chocolate chip pancakes for j, and taking him out on his scooter. 

s is working nights at a bar. so his days involve very little sleep while caring for the boys all day. my crazy schedule + his crazy schedule = crazy life right now. but we're making it. and not unhappyily. (though honestly it could be easier and we probably could be happier.) this is life for now and we're grateful for it, still fully confident in being here.

and in other news, a couple looked at our house for the third time this week. so we could be moving again!