o christmas tree

and here is why i love my husband...

while crosby and i were grocery shopping yesterday morning, steve and jack were "supposed" to be setting up our fake, pre-lit, handed down Christmas tree. instead, they went and picked out our first very real, very big tree. and i am in love!!!

 (take note of our three year old dollar store tree skirt. soon to be replaced with a much bigger, fancier, do it yourself project!)

i've never had a real tree before. it smells great, it looks beautiful, and i am happy.

 (even though this isn't crosby's first christmas, it definitely feels like it.)

the nativity scene is set. christmas cards are mailed. a stash of presents hidden. holiday music downloaded. more christmas projects underway.

and i am definitely nesting...the cleaning, the projects, the shopping, the decorating. it's insane and i love it!

please forgive me

i know all moms make mistakes. heck, i was just giving my own mom a hard time today for not taking me to the dentist as a child. but big mistakes? do other moms make really big mistakes?

i made some mistakes tonight. i was angry. frustrated. yelled too quickly and too loudly. i was mean. and i know it was really bad because jack was exceptionally good once he realized just how angry i was. when it was bathtime, he went potty and got undressed without me asking. when i apologized for getting upset, he said "oh it's okay mommy." 

it was one of those nights (not the first time this has happened) where i text steve, who was at work, and say "this is really hard." and he calls and i cry and he asks if he needs to come home (bless his heart) and i say "no" but i want to say "yes and don't ever leave again."

and now i'm sitting here feeling bad, wishing i could do better, be better. and wondering if i've scarred them for life. and if i haven't today, certainly, i will sometime in the next 18 years, right?

little pieces

we have been so productive here in the carr household. the house...it's starting to get there. there meaning having a little personality and being a little more ready for baby #3. we have almost moved crosby and jack out of their room and into the bigger room upstairs. josh has moved to the playroom. the playroom moved to the closet. and besides all that...we've just been making some small changes around here that make it feel much more like home. and much more like us.

 (the wreath i made a couple weeks ago.)

the other day my mother in law asked if she could take jack for one night this weekend. how could i say no to that? so today after we dropped off jack, we hit target, home depot, stir crazy, and got to work. 

steven hung a fruit basket for me.

i finally hung a print in the boys bathroom. i've had it for months.

 and steve changed out the light fixture in our kitchen! the old one broke a couple of weeks ago. we immediately liked this one, before we even saw that it was the cheapest available. we need to shorten the wire, but it will do for now.

 (the only before picture i have of the old fixture. do you see it way back there?)

(the fruit basket & light fixture in the same picture!)

all these little changes really make a difference. and they make me happy.

oh, and after all that, i made a wreath and two loaves of pumpkin bread. can i be nesting already at only 25 weeks?!?

let it fall

 things i am not loving right now: 

crosby being very attached to me lately.
maternity clothes. gross.
heartburn. 
my achey, tired body.
most pregnancy related things.
thinking about spending the Christmas without my sisters.


things i am loving right now:

crosby being very attached to me lately. (i'm a little torn about this one.)
fall! the hoodies, electric blanket, pretty trees.
the salted caramel mocha from starbucks. holy moley, it's amazing.
our diy home projects.
how dark it is in the morning. 
lunch dates with steven.

 

dog days are over

george is gone. turns out jack and i are really bad dog owners. (steve and crosby were much better at it than us.) that's really all there is to it. it just didn't work out, wasn't a good fit for our family. maybe because he was a puppy, maybe because me and jack just really don't like dogs. heather said it best...george deserved a dog loving family and so we found that for him. and things feel a little bit calmer and more normal here now.

true story - when jack found out george was gone, he ran in the house with hands in the air and yelled, "FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!" and there was our confirmation we had done the right thing.

i won't give up

we are having another BOY! we've known this for about two months now, but it was just confirmed at our 20 week ultrasound. we couldn't be more thrilled at giving the boys another brother.

i realize i haven't written too much about this pregnancy or the baby or my thoughts on #3. why? well, because there are days when i feel like super mom. when i take the boys to the park and i remember to bring water and snacks. when i make dinner and do the dishes and give at least one of them a bath and read a book! and days when i'm patient and i'm cool and i'm fun. and we dance. and i think adding a third sounds like a lot of fun. and why wouldn't it be? i've got this whole mom thing down.

and then there are other days, when i'm overwhelmed. and i forget to bring diapers to daycare. and my kids are dirty and they need their nails cut. and if crosby hits jack one more time...and i'm angry. and we eat frozen pizza. and instead of reading books and playing, i sit on the couch and work before bedtime so i can watch X Factor in peace later that night. and the thought of a third makes my head spin and sends me into a panic attack that i'm afraid i'll never get out of. 

steve and i have always wanted a third child. we just kind of figured it would be down the road a couple of years and through adoption. we had just begun talking about becoming foster parents when we found out i was pregnant. after a two day shock period and a few pregnancy tests later, we were thrilled. felt so blessed to be adding to our family in this way. and we still do.

but are definitely considering some permanent birth control options...

if i should fall behind

three years ago, steven and i stood in front of a judge and vowed to be together forever. and then had buffalo wild wings for lunch. it was a perfect day.

in some ways, three years doesn't seem like a very long time. i mean, we still have at least 50 years to go (Lord willing)! but on the other hand, three years seems like a miracle. really, everyday is a miracle. high five.

steven, i love you. thank you for being stable when i'm not. thank you for introducing me to things like corn dogs, indianapolis, josh garrels, and heroes. thank you taking out the trash and putting my license plate on. thank you for telling stories and snuggling the boys. thank you for always bringing home surprises. thank you for praying for our family and those around us. thanks for cleaning up dog poop. thanks for making me laugh and watching x factor with me. i love you so much. i wouldn't be me without you.

"we said we'd walk together, baby, come what may
that come the twilight should we lose our way
if as we're walking a hand should slip free
i'll wait for you
and should i fall behind
wait for me

we swore we'd travel, darling, side by side
we'd help each other stay in stride
but each lovers steps fall so differently
but i'll wait for you
and should i fall behind 
wait for me"

bruce springsteen