we're in a funk. and have been for months. in the craziness of getting ready to move, staying in someone else's house for three weeks, figuring out new jobs in a new city and new schedules, well...we just haven't found our groove yet.
i've been drinking too much diet coke, smoking too many cigarettes, eating too many french fries, and running not at all. my jeans are not happy.
the past four years i started work at 7:30 am. which meant getting up between 5:30 and 6, going for a run (before my belly got too big and summer got too hot) and leaving the house before i saw any sweet faces. but i was home by 4. in time to play and cook and do anything else i needed to do.
now my work day typically starts at 9. which means i get a lot of sleep and i kind of love it. kind of addicted to my sleep. and usually only see one sweet face before i leave. but now i don't get home until 5 or 6, sometimes later. rarely feel like cooking (though we probably wouldn't even have the right groceries if i wanted to), and end up folding laundry until 11.
after four years in social services, this is the first job that leaves me drained and exhausted at the end of the day. it wears me out. i come home and need a break. need a rest.
on one hand, it's nice to feel more laid back. not feel the pressure to be so disciplined. to let things go a little bit.
I feel your pain, sister. I think it's so hard when you can remember your past successes, and part of you wants to get there again, but you just don't have the motivation to do so. It's hard not to be critical of yourself when you know you are capable of so much more.
ReplyDeleteTry not to beat yourself up too much - you'll reach your breaking point soon enough and turn it all around. I think Eric said it best...seasons of life. Enjoy the sleep while you can :)