i drive myself crazy

there are days i think i can't handle being a full time working mom any longer. today is one of those days.

i've always loved working. i never thought i'd be that great at staying home and felt like working made me a better mom.

but not tonight. the laundry, the dishes, dirty floors, toys everywhere, it's all too much at 5 pm when i get home from work. and when it's one thing, it's a million things. it's the little piece of lint on the end table, or the random sock on the floor, or the fact that i can't find one of j's toys. i fixate and get angry. and then i can't really stop the crazy. it spirals. (this is normal, right? please tell me if it's not.)

and i blame working full time. because if i didn't work outside of the home 9 hours a day, maybe i could spread out the crazy. take it one thing at a time. or at least get it out before steve got home and had to witness it (and become the victim of my crazy).

today working full time did not make me a better mom. it made me an angry mom. and a difficult to deal with wife.

sorry, steven.

for the widows in paradise...

after seeing a woman standing on the corner begging for food and money, j and i had a conversation that went like this...

L - you know, there are some kids in the world with no food or clothes or toys.

J - no food at all? not even a little?

L - yeah, some have none at all.

J - what do we do about it?

and i could leave the story here. with a profound statement from a four year old, but that's not real life. so here's how the rest went:

L - well what do you think we should do?

J - we should give them some money for food, then they could give us some money back. 

then i think he went on to talk about elf ears.

in all honesty, i do wish we had done something. maybe given her the five dollars i was on my way to spend at starbucks. maybe bought a sandwich and brought it to her. maybe we should have DONE something. like j had said.

get'cha head in the game

ymca basketball has a been a big blessing in our lives this winter. j has pretty much no social interaction with kids his age right now, so s decided to sign him up for basketball. what a great idea. twice a week, j met other kids, learned some basketball, and got out some energy. he loved it. 

 (singing the national anthem)

side note: steven helped coach whenever he wasn't scheduled to work. which was just beyond adorable. he's amazing with kids. there was one day he had gotten about 3 hours of sleep after working late, spent the entire day at home with the boys, coached basketball, then went to back to work. i'm not sure i've ever appreciated him more. my hubs rocks.

(i am not a great photographer.)

(check out that form.)

(go broncos!)

today was the last game of the league. it was also trophy day. which j has been looking forward to since the day he signed up. and as i assumed, i almost cried.

lucky for us, another basketball league starts in january and we will for sure be signing him up.

it's Christmas! let's be glad!

there are very few things i like about steven working nights. yes, i love staying up late, watching grey's anatomy, with a huge bowl of ice cream and no one to judge my show or size of ice cream bowl. but everything else pretty much sucks. and i know we've only been married two years, but this has been by far the hardest season of life yet. (except for those two months when i thought c and i were going to hate each other. for the REST OF OUR LIVES.)

one thing i do like, though, is the time he gets to spend with j. j has been in daycare since he was 7 weeks old. and we've been so blessed to have sitters that felt like family. their house felt like home. but this time that j has with dad...it's special. slow mornings watching tv, not getting out of pajamas all day, going on adventures, checking out the museums, libraries. painting, building forts, running errands. and dads sometimes have a different way of doing things than moms. not better, just different. they put their daddy prints in everything they do.

steven had been wanting an advent calendar, but by the time he thought to look for one, they were all gone. so he made one. walked into michael's, grabbed a few things, came home and put it together with j for over three hours. they crafted for over THREE HOURS. and i think we may keep it. here is the result:

and some other quick updates:
1) we have a library fine of $25. it's possible.
2) S had an interview today. pray, pray pray.
3) C now has FOUR teeth! holey moley.
4) J is the star of his basketball team. (not really, but he loves it anyways.)
5) people will steal change out of your car if you leave it unlocked.
6) we can't eat popcorn around C anymore. it makes him angry to not eat it.