have yourself a merry little christmas

 

o come, o come emmanuel

i don't think i've ever been as excited for christmas as i am this year. it could be the real tree. it could be because i'm nesting which had me taking on a few ambitious projects. but the holiday music has not stopped in this house since the day after thanksgiving. neither has the shopping. christmas candy is in the gumball machine. a cinnamon candle has been burning all day.

as i mentioned before, our little felt dollar store tree skirt wasn't going to cut it this year. we have our first real tree in our very first home. this year deserved more. 

normally, i come up with a project and steve is the executor. he always gives me the best way to tackle something. but this time he said, "i have no idea. you're on your own." so away i went. and here's the finished product:

 

i used instructions from HERE and HERE. it took a lot longer than i was hoping and was not easy on my 7 month pregnant body, but i am so happy with how it turned out! definitely the perfect skirt for our tree!

 

remember the advent calendar the boys made last year? well, that got revamped this year, too! 

 

in each bag is a passage to read out of the Jesus Storybook Bible. i found the advent plan HERE. we also included some candy and little gifts for each day. nothing too crazy. but i am so excited about being a little more deliberate with jack this year in keeping the focus on Christ and sharing what it all means. it's fun to be celebrating and preparing for Jesus all month long!

hope your holiday season is just as exciting as ours! 

o christmas tree

and here is why i love my husband...

while crosby and i were grocery shopping yesterday morning, steve and jack were "supposed" to be setting up our fake, pre-lit, handed down Christmas tree. instead, they went and picked out our first very real, very big tree. and i am in love!!!

 (take note of our three year old dollar store tree skirt. soon to be replaced with a much bigger, fancier, do it yourself project!)

i've never had a real tree before. it smells great, it looks beautiful, and i am happy.

 (even though this isn't crosby's first christmas, it definitely feels like it.)

the nativity scene is set. christmas cards are mailed. a stash of presents hidden. holiday music downloaded. more christmas projects underway.

and i am definitely nesting...the cleaning, the projects, the shopping, the decorating. it's insane and i love it!

please forgive me

i know all moms make mistakes. heck, i was just giving my own mom a hard time today for not taking me to the dentist as a child. but big mistakes? do other moms make really big mistakes?

i made some mistakes tonight. i was angry. frustrated. yelled too quickly and too loudly. i was mean. and i know it was really bad because jack was exceptionally good once he realized just how angry i was. when it was bathtime, he went potty and got undressed without me asking. when i apologized for getting upset, he said "oh it's okay mommy." 

it was one of those nights (not the first time this has happened) where i text steve, who was at work, and say "this is really hard." and he calls and i cry and he asks if he needs to come home (bless his heart) and i say "no" but i want to say "yes and don't ever leave again."

and now i'm sitting here feeling bad, wishing i could do better, be better. and wondering if i've scarred them for life. and if i haven't today, certainly, i will sometime in the next 18 years, right?

little pieces

we have been so productive here in the carr household. the house...it's starting to get there. there meaning having a little personality and being a little more ready for baby #3. we have almost moved crosby and jack out of their room and into the bigger room upstairs. josh has moved to the playroom. the playroom moved to the closet. and besides all that...we've just been making some small changes around here that make it feel much more like home. and much more like us.

 (the wreath i made a couple weeks ago.)

the other day my mother in law asked if she could take jack for one night this weekend. how could i say no to that? so today after we dropped off jack, we hit target, home depot, stir crazy, and got to work. 

steven hung a fruit basket for me.

i finally hung a print in the boys bathroom. i've had it for months.

 and steve changed out the light fixture in our kitchen! the old one broke a couple of weeks ago. we immediately liked this one, before we even saw that it was the cheapest available. we need to shorten the wire, but it will do for now.

 (the only before picture i have of the old fixture. do you see it way back there?)

(the fruit basket & light fixture in the same picture!)

all these little changes really make a difference. and they make me happy.

oh, and after all that, i made a wreath and two loaves of pumpkin bread. can i be nesting already at only 25 weeks?!?

let it fall

 things i am not loving right now: 

crosby being very attached to me lately.
maternity clothes. gross.
heartburn. 
my achey, tired body.
most pregnancy related things.
thinking about spending the Christmas without my sisters.


things i am loving right now:

crosby being very attached to me lately. (i'm a little torn about this one.)
fall! the hoodies, electric blanket, pretty trees.
the salted caramel mocha from starbucks. holy moley, it's amazing.
our diy home projects.
how dark it is in the morning. 
lunch dates with steven.

 

dog days are over

george is gone. turns out jack and i are really bad dog owners. (steve and crosby were much better at it than us.) that's really all there is to it. it just didn't work out, wasn't a good fit for our family. maybe because he was a puppy, maybe because me and jack just really don't like dogs. heather said it best...george deserved a dog loving family and so we found that for him. and things feel a little bit calmer and more normal here now.

true story - when jack found out george was gone, he ran in the house with hands in the air and yelled, "FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!" and there was our confirmation we had done the right thing.

i won't give up

we are having another BOY! we've known this for about two months now, but it was just confirmed at our 20 week ultrasound. we couldn't be more thrilled at giving the boys another brother.

i realize i haven't written too much about this pregnancy or the baby or my thoughts on #3. why? well, because there are days when i feel like super mom. when i take the boys to the park and i remember to bring water and snacks. when i make dinner and do the dishes and give at least one of them a bath and read a book! and days when i'm patient and i'm cool and i'm fun. and we dance. and i think adding a third sounds like a lot of fun. and why wouldn't it be? i've got this whole mom thing down.

and then there are other days, when i'm overwhelmed. and i forget to bring diapers to daycare. and my kids are dirty and they need their nails cut. and if crosby hits jack one more time...and i'm angry. and we eat frozen pizza. and instead of reading books and playing, i sit on the couch and work before bedtime so i can watch X Factor in peace later that night. and the thought of a third makes my head spin and sends me into a panic attack that i'm afraid i'll never get out of. 

steve and i have always wanted a third child. we just kind of figured it would be down the road a couple of years and through adoption. we had just begun talking about becoming foster parents when we found out i was pregnant. after a two day shock period and a few pregnancy tests later, we were thrilled. felt so blessed to be adding to our family in this way. and we still do.

but are definitely considering some permanent birth control options...

if i should fall behind

three years ago, steven and i stood in front of a judge and vowed to be together forever. and then had buffalo wild wings for lunch. it was a perfect day.

in some ways, three years doesn't seem like a very long time. i mean, we still have at least 50 years to go (Lord willing)! but on the other hand, three years seems like a miracle. really, everyday is a miracle. high five.

steven, i love you. thank you for being stable when i'm not. thank you for introducing me to things like corn dogs, indianapolis, josh garrels, and heroes. thank you taking out the trash and putting my license plate on. thank you for telling stories and snuggling the boys. thank you for always bringing home surprises. thank you for praying for our family and those around us. thanks for cleaning up dog poop. thanks for making me laugh and watching x factor with me. i love you so much. i wouldn't be me without you.

"we said we'd walk together, baby, come what may
that come the twilight should we lose our way
if as we're walking a hand should slip free
i'll wait for you
and should i fall behind
wait for me

we swore we'd travel, darling, side by side
we'd help each other stay in stride
but each lovers steps fall so differently
but i'll wait for you
and should i fall behind 
wait for me"

bruce springsteen

a change would do you good

i realize i haven't posted any pictures of the inside of the house since we moved in four months ago. but 1) the house is never clean. with four adults, two children, and now a dog living here, the house is never photo ready. a photo would just show clutter. and 2) since moving in we really haven't done a lot in terms of decorating. we bought a couple rugs, hung a couple prints, and that's been about it. 

but now that we've lived here awhile, we've been brainstorming about small things we could do to make this home more homey. and so i give you our very first DIY project.

well, it's not really our first. steven and his dad built an attic in the garage the first weekend we moved in. and steven helped the contractor build our privacy fence since he was short handed. but this was our first decorating project and our first project together. i use the term "together" loosely since steven did all the work.

(please excuse the poor photography, randomly placed pictures, and blankets all over the floor. oh, and that big pile of maternity clothes in the corner. this is why we haven't posted pictures of the inside of the house!)

i bought our bedroom set before we were married. initially i loved it, but the more you live with something, the more you find things to not like about it (minus husbands and children). plus, steve has had to build it and take it apart more than once. so it looks really rough after a few moves.

what we hate the most is the headboard. it's hard to see, but it's a bookshelf. you can't lean against it and things always fall underneath it and it's impossible to get them out.
 

i found some inspiration on pinterest for a cheap, DIY headboard and steve loved it. so he went to work. 

 

we bought some wooden boards from home depot, steve cut them, stained them, and hung them. added some end tables and done! the room looks amazing.

the pictures don't do it justice, but it really adds so much to the room. we are absolutely in love with it! and watching your husband go to work on something for you...well that's just sexy.

next up on the home project list? good grief. we have a lot to do before this baby comes. empty the storage closet. move the playroom to the storage closet. move austin and josh to the playroom. move croz and jack to the big room. make a nursery in the smaller room. phew! and somehow making a headboard seemed to be the most logical thing to get done this weekend....oh well. we've got time, right?

slow down baby

crosby got his first haircut last weekend. partly because in a few months, he will no longer be the baby. partly because he had a mullet.

 (check out those curls!)

i found the best way to get a baby to sit for a haircut is to give him a sucker. works like a charm. so what if he eats a little hair in the process? small price to pay for a quiet child and a straight haircut.

it was sad. in the best way possible. our baby is growing up.

 (this is just too precious. it had to be included.)

he looks older. and so sweet in this picture. now if only his behavior would match it....

animal

we got a dog. which, if you know us at all, is a much bigger shock than us being pregnant with #3. (which really isn't a shock at all knowing our history...). steven and i aren't really dog people. we aren't animal people. we're people people. but...

we live in the kind of neighborhood where your rocking chair gets stolen off your porch and you find it at the thrift store the next week. the kind of neighborhood where the police do roll call on the corner once a week. the kind of neighborhood where you might want a big ol' dog by your side when you're walking to bus stop.

enter george. a 13 week old english mastiff. like most of the decisions steven and i make, we discuss, decide, then do. all in about a weeks time. it didn't take long for steven to convince me that a dog was a good idea and that a mastiff was the right breed for us. they are protective but not aggressive. and notoriously low maintenance. (really, george just lays around all day. but don't tell the neighbors.)

 
george is big. and will be over 200 lb. by the time he is full grown. and truthfully, that's all we need. something that looks scary. i've seen it work too. people cross to the other side of the street before passing us. and he's only 46 lbs. right now! steve is doing his part to keep the fear in the neighborhood alive, too. on a walk one night, a little girl asked, "will he bite me?" and steve responded with, "i wouldn't put my hand near his mouth."

there have been more than a few times that i've been glad to have him. i was walking to the bus stop the other day to pick up j and this man kept muggin' me. (we live in the hood now so i'm going to start saying things like "muggin" and...well i'm not sure what else people say in the hood, but i'll tell you in a few months). without george, i'm not sure i would have felt quite as safe. 

no, he is not a "fur baby". he is a dog. he is not a member of the family. he is a pet. i promise we won't become crazy animal people and expect everyone to like to our dog. promise.

so sick

steve woke up a couple weeks ago at 1 am in crazy pain. pain like i have never seen him in before. austin took him to the er and he was told he had a kidney stone.  after four hours, he was able to come home. luckily he passed it quickly, but was wiped out for a couple days afterwards.

these past 7 months have been rough for us...physically, medically, and then because of all of that...financially. since january, crosby has had four ear infections, pink eye, and strep throat. jack had a fluke allergic reaction (we think it was from pine). i've had strep throat. steve had bronchitis and an upper respitory infection and now a kidney stone. and for reasons too long for me to explain here, we have really shitty health insurance. the kind of health insurance that leaves us paying $400 towards a well child visit. the bills are piling up. between rearranging work schedules, caring for sick kids, and figuring out how we're going to pay the bills, i'm feeling defeated. i think to myself (or outloud to my mom), "does it ever end?" and i guess it doesn't. it's life. and i get that. but i'm feeling weighed down. feeling like we could use a break. some time to catch up.

we're going to be friends

holy shit. my little j bird went to kindergarten today. and wore a uniform. and marched right up on that bus like he was made for it.

 (walking to the bus stop)

and it's crazy. not because i didn't think he'd make it to five or ever make it to kindergarten. but because i didn't think we'd ever be here. married. a family. with j having a little brother and another on the way. in a house. that we own. and we love.

when i was pregnant with j, i couldn't stop thinking about the door he would walk up to after school (that and how i was going to pay for braces). it's irrational and stupid and meaningless, i know, but i was pregnant and hormonal. i didn't think i'd ever be able to provide this - a home, a family, and a really cute front door.

 

(looking for the bus. these are not staged. promise.)

how blessed i feel that we moved into this house (with an adorable front door) just two months before our j man headed off to school for the very first time. is this about kindergarten or our home? i'm not really sure. but it doesn't matter because it was all important to me today.  

first thing he said after getting off the bus, "it was awesome."