it's hard to feel like myself right now. and i remember feeling a little bit this way after each of the boys was born. i feel in a haze. i feel foggy. like i'm watching life happen around me, not so much participating. maybe it's the lack of sleep. or abundance of hormones. maybe it's the struggle of figuring out who i am now as a mom of three, mom of jonah.
it certainly doesn't help to be carrying extra weight and wearing a mix of hand me down maternity clothes and a few bigger things from my own closet. i don't feel cute. i don't feel like myself. i don't look like myself.
it feels like we're on survival mode. waiting for life to get easier. waiting for things to fall into place. waiting for everyone to sleep. which i've been praying for more than anything. not for my boys to know Jesus and know how deeply they are loved or how love others and be strong and kind and brave. no, i've just been praying that they sleep.
i wish i could just soak in this newborn phase (maybe it's the toddler phase i'm really struggling with?!). really love it. and there are a few, quick moments when i really do. but mostly i'm just trying to make it through.
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